Still Working On It
Her Diary
Her Diary
|| Prologue ||
Page #50 - What Should I Do?
“I’m taking her with me!” I heard my dad say.
“No, you can’t!” I heard my mum say.
I went to the kitchen to see them arguing with each other. My mum was standing beside the kitchen table while my dad was standing beside the sink. I don’t think they notice me, I thought to myself.
“I can’t deal with this anymore!” My mum says as she looks my way.
“L-Luna, go to your room.” My dad coldly told me.
I run to my room and shut the door behind me. What should I do? I don’t want my parents to separate, I told myself. I opened my closet to find a huge black bag that was as black as charcoal. I pick it up and started to pack my clothes and shoes inside it. If I run away then my parents wouldn’t have to separate.
|| Chapter 1 ||
I walked inside the store to buy food.
“Oh Elijah, how are you?” The cashier Jerome questioned me as he looked at the cash register.
“I’m okay, I’m just here to buy some food.” I replied. I walk to aisle 5 where all of the biscuits and chips were located. I grabbed my two favourite chips and walked to Jerome to pay for food. When I finished, I walked to my favourite place where I relax. I lazily walk to the bench while looking at my phone. As I reached the bench, I put my phone deep down in my pocket and rummaged through the bag I was holding to look for my food. As I sat down I felt like I was sitting on something so I got up and looked to where I was sitting. ‘A book?’
Page #1 - I don’t know
Well, this is my first time writing on a book so I don’t really know what to write. Well I just wanted to say that look forward to more writing from me.
Today was such a boring day, we did nothing exciting at school. I hope we continue to do more fun things at school.
So, this is a diary. I thought to myself. I stuff the diary inside my bag and wondered if I should try to look for the person who possesses the book. But how could I find her if her last name is not written? I asked myself over and over again.
Nice work, Sarah. Your writing is structured and organized! I liked how your prologue ends with your character finding the book and then the following chapter begins with some of the writing. Then, ending with the character wanting to find out more.
ReplyDeleteI have two suggestions/options for making your story more gripping.
1) Make what happens in your prologue the first chapter. Your prologue could instead by a part of the diary that is most interesting - something mysterious or exciting.
2) Instead of your character reading the first entry in the diary, they could open the book somewhere in the middle and read something exciting before they decide to go back to page 1.
You could also try to include a simile in your writing.
"It was just like..."
"It was as if..."
Nice work sarah :) I like your writing it's really good. Keep it up :)
ReplyDeletesana ol
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